Scared of losing friendships

Hi all! (Sorry for my english) A little backstorry, i have agoraphobia for almost 4 years but i think i had it since i was a kid(21 now). I’ve made some pretty meaningful friendships in my teens but i’ve lost almost all of them except 2 that i talk regularly on whatsapp and only there(i dont own insta or fb) I want to delete my whatsapp because i promised to one of my friends that we are going to hang out this month after 3 years of not seeing each other but i just cant, i only feel dread and im so sick of heaving to once again cancel our plans, im embarrassed. I know im going to lose her for good if i just disapear again(i’ve done this in the past a few times) and i also know im going to lose her if i just cancel, she is kinda done with me and so am i with myself.

My second friend moved to a different country a few months ago and is experiencing amazing things, she also got her first job and she loves it, i am happy for her, truly, but i wish i could do the same, to get a job, to travel, to live my life. Every time we talk i feel upset and jelous and a terrible friend for feeling these things.

I need some advice, i dont know what to do, i dont want to lose them but at the same time i feel too bad when talking to them. I honestly love them so much