Which symptoms do you have?

Full List of OCD Symptoms I Have Dealt With

Note: All of the symptoms below are almost always worse when I'm tired, stressed, or anxious.

Obsession: I think about my mental health 24/7, from the moment I wake up until I sleep. I constantly worry about my mind, how it’s functioning, or whether it feels right. I obsess over my issues and what therapy or medicines might fix me. I fight every day for my wife and son. It's not easy living my life; it's full of pain, but I try to smile through it because I've seen many disabled people in Nepal with the biggest smiles in the world, which was a good wake-up call for me. This main OCD symptom has not reduced at all. I wish I could forget about all this, but even on my good days, I wonder why I'm still thinking about this crap.

Brain Chatter: I experience constant background chatter in my head, especially at night when trying to sleep, when it’s very quiet, or when my brain is not focused on something entirely. My brain remembers things I have heard throughout the day and starts spitting them out. It is always nonsense and just background noise, including unrecognizable chatter, voices from shows I've watched, people I’ve heard throughout the day, music, melodies, chants, and much more. This still occurs randomly.

Earworm: This ties into brain chatter. It’s music looping through my head nearly 24/7. I had this symptom for over 3-4 months, and it felt like it almost drove me insane. For instance, the song "Highway to Hell" was stuck in my head. Fortunately, this symptom has currently ended.

Mind Pops: These are random words or thoughts that pop into my thinking stream, sometimes in my own voice or in an unrecognizable random voice. It is always nonsense, such as: "Top drive, flush drain, jump the curtains, put it in reverse," etc. This can happen throughout the day or especially at night when trying to sleep. I have experienced mind pops of the most random things: dreams I had 5-10 years ago, conversations I had years ago, thoughts of random people, and vivid images. The weirdest ones are flashbacks of dreams and thoughts of people, like seeing a black lady at the supermarket or an Asian guy. It’s as if my brain wanted to remind me of a video I watched about Asian food, and I’d get a random thought of an Asian guy. This is complete random brain chatter nonsense but still occurs randomly. The voice I hear is internal, like an inner monologue on autopilot.

Crazy Intrusive Thoughts: It wouldn’t be OCD without this symptom. The thoughts depend on the theme, and I have had all sorts of crazy thoughts dealing with different themes, including vivid images of me ending my life and other crazy thoughts. Paranoid thoughts, vivid images, and much more. They all feel 100% real, but deep down inside, I know they aren’t real, although they still cause anxiety. Despite the anxiety, I remain in touch with reality but doubt everything.

Compulsions: I constantly check for every single sound, and ensure that every thought isn’t a delusion. I record sounds with my phone to ensure they are real and ask people if they heard or smelled certain things. I seek reassurance 24/7 and dig through information on Reddit and other forums almost constantly. Seeking reassurance was like an addiction. I understand Nirman, but I fight the compulsions every day and try not to get sucked in.

Extreme Hyperawareness: My body is in crazy fight-or-flight mode all the time. I would smell things from miles away, hear the smallest sounds, and much more. Anything can freak me out, and I am on guard 24/7. Once, my ears started pulsating because I thought I would start hearing hallucinations, but it was a real environmental sound that my wife confirmed she could hear as well.

Hypnagogic/Hypnopompic Hallucinations: These occur while sleeping and it’s hard to distinguish whether they are brain chatter or hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations. These sensations can include smells, visual things, and mostly auditory experiences. This symptom has completely gone away with clomipramine. My sleep doctor in Australia confirmed that extreme stress levels and sleep deprivation can cause simple auditory hallucinations when falling into REM sleep.

DPDR: This symptom has countless manifestations. I experienced it 24/7, making my fears a thousand times worse. Life felt like a dream, completely fake, as if I were walking in a fog in the afterlife. It felt as if I were observing myself from behind my brain, similar to the movie "Get Out." Everything looked 2D, flat, and strange. People looked super weird, scary, and alien-like. I couldn’t look at my family for months because they looked super weird and creepy.

Intrusive Smells and Sensations: These symptoms involve "remembering" a smell or sensation. It feels like you can smell alcohol, urine, or other scents, but you’re not actually smelling them; it’s an intrusive thought of the smell or sensation. For example, many years ago I was eating ramen when a helicopter flew past, so when a helicopter flies past now, I might imagine smelling ramen again. This only occurs when I’m in a hyper-anxious state, when my entire soul and brain are anxious about everything and anything.

Audio Pareidolia: Sounds sound different than what they are. Your brain fills in gaps to give the sounds meaning. This occurs only in a severely anxious state. My brain would add or mix up content when people are speaking. I believe people with psychosis have this issue, but I am aware that it’s occurring and when I speak, I don’t scramble my words. This symptom has diminished by 90% since I started clomipramine.

Facial Pareidolia: I see faces in almost everything. I experienced this pretty badly, and it was annoying. It only occurred with every dose increase of clomipramine for about two weeks each. Although Nirman also experienced this and blamed Risperidone, I believe it was clomipramine. It’s now 100% gone, but I suspect it’ll return upon increasing my dose for some time.

Seeing Things in the Corner of My Eyes (Ties into Hyperawareness): I see moving things in the corner of my eyes, like shadows, but there’s nothing there. It startles me, but I know it’s anxiety or PTSD related, although it still causes real anxiety.

Depth Perception Issues: Things look zoomed in or seem like they shrunk. The world seems massive, but this usually happens during panic attacks.

Brain Fills in Gaps: Random sounds sometimes remind my brain of a song. For example, my friend was randomly saying "La La La," and a Kanye West song started playing in my head: "Wait till I get my money right."

Additional Symptoms: These may be more anxiety/DPDR-related, but here are some of them:

Brain Fog: Reduced by 10% on 50mg of clomipramine, 30% on 75mg, and 50% on 100mg. I feel that I’ve regained much of my intelligence. This symptom causes confusion, making me feel dumb and slow. Visual Snow: This is part of visual snow syndrome. I’m unsure if my anxiety issues are the root cause or if it’s a neurological issue, but since this condition is benign, it’s not heavily researched. New research indicates an issue within the serotonin and glutamate receptors in the brain. A new drug being developed for OCD, the first in its class, involves the blockade and clearance of glutamate. It may be the first medicine to treat visual snow, as lamictal has shown promise in treating VSS. The drug is being developed by Biohaven and is called troriluzole, a reformulated version of riluzole for ALS. Floaters: Another VSS issue. Confusion: Clomipramine fixed this. Frequent Déjà Vu: Significantly reduced. Dissociation: Reduced significantly; I have fewer episodes. Vertigo: Significantly reduced. Brain Echoing Things: My brain echoes sounds constantly. If I hear sirens, they echo in my head for hours, making me feel like I hear them even when I don’t. This occurs in a highly anxious state but has significantly reduced. Full List of GAD Symptoms I Have Dealt With

Physical Symptoms: These happen when my soul is anxious, and my thinking and thought process become compromised. Although it’s like that 24/7, it has its peaks and lows

Heart Palpitations Shortness of Breath Weakness Feelings of Fainting Intense Headaches Tingling Sensations All Over the Body Body Pains (Back Pain, Shoulder Pain, Leg Pain, Groin, Neck Pain) Constant Muscle Twitching, Especially in My Eye Dizziness: One of the most stubborn symptoms to get rid of. Extreme Fatigue: Feeling fatigued 24/7, as if I were about to faint. Burning Sensations All Over My Body and Skin Buzzing Sensations in Different Parts of My Body Intense Trembling and Shaking All Over My Body Feeling of Choking Feeling Sick All the Time, Nausea, and Frequent Urges to Vomit Mental Symptoms

Intense fear of dying or going crazy Impending doom Confusion (felt like I was going crazy sometimes) Intense brain fog, which was so bad it prevented me from working some days Irrational OCD fears and thoughts/themes: intense fears of going crazy, fears of death, fear of looking at the sky/ocean, fear of driving, being on planes, health anxiety fears, existential thoughts, or even feeling allergic to nuts temporarily, which then goes away Frequent deja vu (annoying symptom) Compulsions: reassurance-seeking, constant googling Depersonalization/Derealization: This was one of the worst ones. It has 100 symptoms tied to it. Everything looks 2D, flat, and like a video game, cartoony. Felt like I was outside of my body permanently. I was so scared of watching scary movies or scary stuff. Difficulty concentrating, speaking, writing, and following conversations. Felt incapable of using my brain some days Dissociation: out-of-body type feeling, super weird. Had it happen many times because of DPDR Brain chatter: brain doesn't stop talking 24/7. Music in my head, thoughts, words, conversations, etc. It's like my brain doesn't have an off button. Super scary at first, but now it's just annoying and barely happens. This is a common OCD symptom Earworm: constant music playing in my head 24/7. Felt like I was going nuts, but it went away thankfully Brain zaps: a shock-like feeling in your brain and head. One time it felt like a lightning strike and I saw a huge flash in my eyes Insomnia: couldn't sleep for many days Short-term memory loss: kept forgetting everything. Brushed my teeth 3 times in 5 hours one day. DPDR caused this symptom badly Emotional numbness/anhedonia: a feeling of not feeling anything for anyone or anything. It's not depression but it feels similar. Very weird symptom. Felt like a zombie here Depression Hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations Feeling of crawling in your skin Weird high excessive energy and then low depression-like energy Getting sick all the time. This was so damn annoying. I was sick every other week. My body's immune system was so weak. Feeling of dropping in an elevator Severe hypervigilance: like there is a threat somewhere and everywhere 24/7. This was caused horribly by OCD for me Vertigo while awake and sleeping Visual Symptoms

Eye floaters: annoying little cobwebs in your eyes Visual snow: static across your vision, eye floaters, flashes of lights, ghosting, colored blobs, black blobs all over your vision Blurred or blurry vision Tunnel vision Intense pain in eyes Ocular migraines: weird migraines Depth perception issues: things look zoomed in and/or things seem like they shrunk. This only happens at night when I wake up; could be part of hypnagogic hallucinations Hearing Symptoms

Tinnitus: low humming, high-pitched frequency, vibrations, and so many different sounds More Physical Symptoms

Dizziness Burning tongue Headache Nausea Metallic taste in mouth due to acid reflux Hot flushes Muscle pain and tension Fatigue Numbness in hands Pins and needles Brain fog Startled easily Blood pressure problems Heart feeling heavy Fast heartbeat Feeling like I’m dying Losing my mind Losing control Very negative thoughts Intrusive thoughts Hyperreactive Blurry vision Cold palms and feet Sweaty palms and feet Hot flushes Feeling sick/flu-like Weak limbs Digestion problems Numbness Nightmares