So much of the unhealthy pressure that we experienced as children/teenagers/students, makes sense once you realize that your parents never overcame their own crushing feelings of inferiority and jealousy about money and careers, and they took those toxic feelings out on you.

It's amazing to realize that all the toxicity that I grew up with in my (half Asian) family could have been avoided if my parents were just emotionally mature enough to get over their feelings of inferiority when it comes to money and status, and just accept themselves.

But they weren't. They were stuck in their own feelings of jealousy and frustration about being less wealthy than some of their friends and siblings.

And because they were stuck in those awful, horrible feelings throughout my youth, those feelings got imprinted on me, and I learned to associate those feelings with school and work, causing burnout and depression. What is the point of working so hard if at the end of all of this, I just end up resentful and spiteful like Mom and Dad?

I found myself lost for most of my 20s, working retail jobs-- which is totally normal and fine-- but feeling absolutely crushed by this, because my expectations had been set so high. I would look at my coworkers laughing at break, and feel that I couldn't relate to them, and I couldn't laugh with them, because they hadn't been burdened with a constant voice in their head saying "why are you not an engineer" "why are you not a lawyer" "nobody wants to work those shitty jobs".

Going to therapy made me realize that this voice in my head was not my own. It was put there by my parents to push me into being their success trophy, to soothe their injured egos from being less successful than they wanted to be. And I don't need to play that game anymore. I can just be.... a regular guy, with a regular job. And that is okay.