I am beginning to loathe my AuDHD child.

My six year old daughter is AuDHD and one of the worst little people to be around. She is MEAN and sassy and loud and rambunctious and is disregulated 95% of the time that she is awake. She even wakes up in the middle of the night and says rude disrespectful things to me. She hits and screams and kicks, over the smallest demands, she says shitty things to her friends, she is rude to her grandparents, she talks smack about her teacher constantly. She is just miserable to be around. The worst part is that we share a room and a bed, so I have zero space unless she is at school. And we live in Pasadena, CA, so by the time school re-opens it will be six weeks of her at home. She is in OT and CBT, but it’s basically just a reprieve for me for two hours a week while she goes batshit crazy in their sensory room. Nothing but screens make her happy. I have a trampoline and two yoga balls and a sensory swing. Today I literally told her to shut up because I was beyond my limit. Her therapist wants to hold off on a medication evaluation until we have exhausted all other options to help her regulate. But I explained that we are never at a level enough place to get through to her for anything else to work. I don’t know what to do. I hate myself for the parent I have become. And I find myself REALLY disliking her almost all day everyday. I have put her in gymnastics camp and dance classes and she is so disrespectful that I cannot send her again. I love her. But I can’t live like this anymore.