I had a terrible time socializing tonight

I was doing the things I’m supposed to do. I was making eye contact, asking questions, reacting with my face. It felt like everyone gave me a polite amount of time before they could talk to who they really wanted to talk to. It didn’t even feel like it was based on what I said or did. There’s just a clique that hangs out more frequently, and they wanted to stick to themselves.

I’m a whole ass adult and it gave me a damn panic attack because it reminded me so much of being 16!

I’m not good at making friends. I want them so badly. It just discouraged me a ton. I think maybe I’m one of those people who does best alone. I just don’t know the secret formula to become part of the in crowd. Feels like I try to be likable and curious and it’s never enough! I don’t know. Feels bad man! Wasn’t worth it!